Relationship Communication Problems
Relationship communication problems are very common.
Adele Horin, a columnist in the Sydney Morning Herald, writes about relationship communication problems. She says there is a “..shortage of men that women can relate to. The crisis in male-female conversation cries out for more attention. Relationships are being destroyed, or aborted at first date...”
She goes on “Say a woman has found a man... Before long she has detected the fatal flaw. ‘He just doesn’t listen. He won’t talk to me.’ She thinks it is an individual problem, and that a more sympathetic conversational mate can be found..But this conversational crisis is bigger than any individual. It is gender-wide. And it starts young.”
Boys imitate the modeling of other men and she says, “..boys - with exceptions of course - soon develop the minimalist style mothers, girlfriends and wives despair of.”
Horin asks the question, “Who knows how these patterns are established?”
There does seem to be a way of understanding how this has happened, and how it has created relationship communication problems.
There has been a common belief in the world that men are superior to women. This was the accepted view for thousands of years. Some think this is no longer the case, yet there is ample evidence to suggest it is still firmly in place.
It seems as males we are being informed constantly that we are better. Because of our gender we are considered to be of higher status. It also seems to be occurring at a subliminal level. That is, it is happening below the threshold of consciousness, and the impact is so faint that we are not even aware of this happening. It then becomes embedded in our subconscious, and, if we never examine this, it is inevitable we function from this perspective.
It is not my intention to expand on this here, but simply to state it as a fact. I am now going to show how this has had a strong effect on males to bring about the conversational crisis leading to relationship communication problems.
If, as males, we see ourselves as superior, this places us on a higher level and women on a lower level. On the whole, men seem unable to feel equal to women: they must be superior or they are inferior.
It’s like a competition, it is win/lose. If I’m not in charge or on a higher level, then she will be, and I’ll be on a lower level and she’ll be in charge, and it’s not supposed to be like that.
So when it comes to relationship communication problems, it is paramount men demonstrate how the proper structure is in place. What better way of doing this than not listening or taking any notice of women.
It is like men might as well be saying, “who do you think you are, you are not on my level, I don’t have to listen to you, or acknowledge you. You don’t count anyway, so what you have to say is not important.”
When we listen to others, we are acknowledging they are on the same level, and are equally important to us.
Other aspects of this are, when it comes to feelings, if we see ourselves as being superior, it follows we are above all that. It’s okay for you inferior lot to get caught up in that rubbish, as that is the stuff of weaklings, but we are not like that.
The other matter related to this that creates relationship communication problems, is the issue of the ability to understand and share the feelings of another - in other words empathy.
Men are notorious for their lack of empathy. It is just like the listening question. Given women are inferior and therefore don’t count, why should men be concerned about how they feel, because women don’t matter.
This is the only way I have been able to make sense of these relationship communication problems that have led to the crisis in male-female conversation. I’m sure many women can identify with my explanation, and I hope I have given men some things to think about, and how they can make changes if they need to.
There is more in my ebook "How To Have An Extraordinary Relationship," now available for download.
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