Leaving An Abusive Relationship
Leaving an abusive relationship is a very big subject to cover as there are so many issues that are part of this problem.
I have two groups of people in mind when I consider what I am going to write about. The first is those who are in abusive relationships. In this group, I am assuming those being abused are women and children. The second group is their relatives and friends.
I am including the second grouping, when writing about leaving an abusive relationship, because it can often be very confusing for these people to understand the process that occurs in abusive relationships.
For example, they can think “why doesn’t she leave,” and don’t understand when she doesn’t. This can lead to questioning what is actually happening. Is she making too much of it? Is she bringing it on herself, does she provoke him?
The man can present so well to others, and if they don’t witness any of the actual abuse, whether it be physical or otherwise, they can think he seems like such a nice guy, maybe she is making it up?
As confusing and frustrating as it may be, the reality is, when women are considering leaving an abusive relationship, there are a multitude of issues involved.
Women are often told by perpetrators they will be killed if they leave. Usually they dare not tell anyone this, but are stopped in their tracks by these threats.
Many women are killed when they leave, so women know these threats are actually carried out and they could be the next victim if they do leave.
A book written recently called “Silent Death” is about a couple in Melbourne, Australia.
They lived in the ‘right’ suburb, successful business, children in private schools.
Behind the facade, he had been abusing and raping her constantly during the 23 years of their marriage. She left him and he killed her.
When there are children involved, this is another consideration when leaving an abusive relationship.
I live in Australia, and there have been several incidents here recently to highlight this problem.
One man who had been very abusive before separation, killed himself and the couple’s three children on an access visit, by carbon monoxide gassing in a car.
Another man was charged with murdering their two sons by driving into water and drowning them, on an access visit. He claimed it was an accident.
A third man with four young children, aged from a few months to four years, threw them from a bridge into a river and drowned them, again whilst on access.
These have all been highly publicized in the media, so women considering leaving an abusive relationship would be well aware of these incidents. This would have a major impact on their deliberations.
Often after violent episodes, men can seem very apologetic. They can promise they will never behave this way again.
Even though women have heard the same thing many times before, they can think - he seems to really mean it, he sounds so convincing, and seems so nice. It is this side of him she likes, and hopes he is really going to change this time.
For a lot of women considering leaving an abusive relationship, they may be aware of other incidents that do occur after leaving.
Sometimes women are hounded by men when they leave. No matter where they go and how well they have managed to hide, somehow men track them down, as if by scent, like a hunting dog. They stalk, harass and rape them.
Not long ago, a police officer in Colorado, USA, who was dealing with abuse and rape cases as part of her job, was a victim of the same in her own marriage.
She left, and her ex-husband came and dragged her off at gun point and raped her. He was convicted and sentenced to 20 years in prison.
There is more that can be written about leaving an abusive relationship. It is very difficult when children are involved. When there are no children, I almost think the best thing could be to escape to another place and take on another name!!
I want to finish by saying if you are in an abusive or violent relationship, and thinking of leaving, or want other information (or know anyone who is or does), I recommend you contact your nearest Domestic Violence help center and inquire what they can provide to assist you.
There is more in my ebook, “How to Have An Extraordinary Relationship.”
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