Getting Over A Relationship
Getting over a relationship can be a process that involves a number of steps in order for you to be able to get on with your life.
It needs to be said, this is a common life experience as most of us have the experience of the break up of a relationship at some stage during our lives.
That realization on it’s own is one of the steps in the process of getting over a relationship.
The reason for this is that so often when we experience issues, problems, challenges in relation to anything in life, it is common to think our experience is somehow unique. For some people this can be particularly so with marriage relationship problems.
Amazing as this may seem I guess it is some sort of defense mechanism we get caught up in, and it is no surprise when people do this when coming to terms with the breakup of a relationship.
I recall, with so many people I have seen as clients, a question I have often asked is “who else do you know who has had an experience like this?” Often the initial response has been to say they don’t know anyone.
A little prodding gets them to change their response, and in terms of getting over a relationship, they recognize any number of other people who have had the same experience with marriage relationship problems.
It is crucial to realize the feelings we experience during this period of time are normal. It would be strange if we didn’t have these feelings.
Of course the feelings can be different depending on what part we play in the breakup.
If we are the instigator, or the one who takes the initiative in ending the relationship, then our experience in getting over a relationship, is going to very different from the the other person, who may be opposed to the break up of the partnership in the first place.
Never the less, no matter what part we play, either one can have a range of feelings, as there are often many factors involved in arriving at the point of deciding to separate when there are marriage relationship problems.
It could be a matter of each person having different expectations of what they want out of the relationship, such as having children for example. There are still many aspects of the association that can impact getting over a relationship.
Sometimes it can be a matter of their being a number of relationship problems that are never going to be resolved, and the process takes place over a short period of time, regardless of all the positive aspects that were part of the relationship.
Also, it can be a matter that in spite of things not seeming to be too bad between a couple, they can drift on together, being afraid to separate because they perceive the challenges associated with getting over a relationship, are too difficult.
I have seen this happen and people have realized they should have done it sooner as it was the best thing to do, and getting over the relationship was a breeze because ending a bad relationship enabled them to get on with their lives.
Sometimes people stay together for the sake of the children. I’m sure we all know of people who have done this with the best of intentions.
I recall seeing a family as clients and the children were adolescents at the time, and the parents finally decided to separate as they thought the children were at a stage where they could cope with it.
The couple had no difficulty with the separation, as the response from the children was to say they didn’t know why they had not done it sooner.
I need to say it is critical to deal with the issues associated with getting over a relationship, because if we don’t we can remain stuck and it becomes an obstacle that gets in the way of getting on with life. It can stop us from being open to other relationships and cause relationship problems.
This can happen with some people when a partner dies. They seem to stop themselves from getting over the relationship out of a misguided sense of loyalty or remaining faithful.
If need be, it is important to seek help by seeing a professional counselor to deal with grief or other issues associated with getting over a relationship.
There is more information in my ebook “How to Have An Extraordinary Relationship.”
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