Signs of a Controlling Relationship
When dealing with signs of a controlling relationship, it is important to say from my long term experience as a counselor, that it is primarily men who are responsible for controlling in relationships.
That is not to say that there aren’t some times when the controlling is done by women, however for the most part it is men.
I think the reason why it is usually men who show signs of controlling relationships, follows from the widely held beliefs that men are in charge, or are the leaders or heads of the household, and as such are encouraged to dominate.
The signs of a controlling relationship are then evident as a means of demonstrating the man’s view about his position in the family.
It doesn’t have to be this way, but if we as men allow this way of thinking to control us, we can easily resort to this way of behaving as many men do.
Let’s look at some signs of a controlling relationship to make it clearer what I am referring to.
I remember some years ago when my partner (I always refer to her as partner as I feel this is more of a way of indicating we are on the same level - we have been married for 20 years) suggested to a new friend she met at the gym, that they go for a coffee.
This woman, who had been married for more than 30 years, said she couldn’t as she had to get home. She indicated if she didn’t he would be wondering about her whereabouts and what she might be getting up to.
I don’t know for sure, but I would think there was every chance this woman would not have seen this as a sign of a controlling relationship, but something that had simply been part of what she experienced during all the time they were together.
She just accepted it and was used to it, after all in other ways he was such a nice man so how could she be critical of him for this. I know she is not alone as I have come across this type of thing with so many people I have seen as clients.
One of the obvious signs of a controlling relationship is where women are restricted from having contact with family and friends. This can involve not allowing the woman to visit her family or friends, or have them come to their house.
It can also involve restricting the children as well, especially in allowing their friends to come to the house.
Another aspect of this, of course, is where the woman is not allowed to go out.
There are a lot of men who phone several times during the day when they are at work to check on the women. Again, it might not be seen this way, but it is definitely another one of the signs of a controlling relationship.
I have heard women say they have to get home in case he phones as they know if they are not there to answer, they will be subjected to a barrage of questions when he comes home. It is important to emphasize these are also signs of an abusive relationship.
There are any number of other signs of a controlling relationship, including such things as not answering the phone when people call, restricting access to money and so on.
I haven’t even mentioned the more extreme signs of a controlling relationship which I guess I’m just taking as being obvious.
I mean such things as physical violence, sexual abuse, rape, threats to kill, all types of verbal and emotional abuse, and a whole range of manipulative behavior etc. that are all aimed at controlling and dominating, these are all aspects of abusive relationships.
In my ebook, “How To Have An Extraordinary Relationship” I go into a lot of detail about this controlling behavior, how to understand it, what it is all about, how you can change if you are the one who controls, and not to put up with it if you are being controlled.
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